Stop Being A Wussy & More

By David DeAngelo

Yes, it's that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.

This week's Q&A comes from a man who is trying to find the perfect girl, but doesn't understand what's holding him back. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

reader's comment
Hello Dave,

I want to let you know about my current situation: Not once have I dated someone who I was really attracted to, clicked with and who was emotionally stable. I'm 27 years old and all of my friends are dating descent looking women and moving on in their relationships. My friends tried setting me up with a few people -- they were all nasty looking -- and they tell me that I'm very picky and that I should learn to "like someone for who they are" (which I think is pure bullsh*t). To me, attraction is very important or else I can't date the person.

I have a problem with being "nice," instead of cocky, ball-busting and mysterious, like all of my other friends. The few girls that I've dated that I found attractive always stopped calling me and I simply don't know why. I simply don't have the positive qualities that the "jerk" has. I simply don't know how to approach someone who's attractive and carry on a good conversation. I hope this e-mail isn't too long; if it is, I'll keep it shorter next time.

- JB

david d. responds
What the heck are you doing saying: "I hope this e-mail isn't too long; if it is, I'll keep it shorter next time."

That's Wussy talk.

Are you with me? Next time you write me, and you think your e-mail might be a little too long, just say: "If this e-mail is too long for you to include in your newsletter, let me know and I'll edit it." Don't say things like, "hope this e-mail isn't too long."

Subtle things communicate so much. Evict the inner Wussy!


reader's comment
David,

I have used your Cocky & Funny stuff with amazing success, but there’s one area of difficulty I have encountered. I'm a freshman in college and I talk to a lot of girls. Almost all of the girls I've talked to are very nice and seem very interested -- and love the Cocky & Funny attitude. I get their AOL Instant Messenger names and their e-mails and all, but the problem is that some of them, even though they had a fun time talking with me and they spent a lot of time with me initially, block and ignore me and I don't understand why. I've asked all of them why but they don't respond to me, and they look at me weird and shyly. However, I say and do the same thing with them as I do with others who don't block me. I just don't get it. I thought that maybe I intimidated them or something.

Help me, David!

-C

david d. responds
Calm down. You're making me nervous. You sound like you need to chill out and relax.

If you're getting blocked on instant messenger, then you're probably being just a tad too pushy with these women. Lean back. Tease. Make a comment online and then say: "I have to run." Don't act like you want her attention. Relax.
And did I mention that you need to relax?

Did you hear the story about the old bull and the young bull standing on the hill? The young bull says: "Hey, let's run down there and have sex with one of them cows!" The old bull looks at him and says: "Let's walk down there and have sex with all of them."

Ponder. Reflect. Repeat.

reader's comment
Dave,

Let me preface this by saying that I agree 100% with your ideas. I realized the Cocky & Funny principles in high school, when I noticed a good friend got laid constantly because he just naturally had that routine down. He always laughed about it; the less he appeared to care about getting laid, the more he got laid. Pure magic.

But I'm just curious if there are women who are actually turned off by the Cocky & Funny routine. I've always liked smart, nerdy girls -- the librarian archetype -- and I'm a little leery that these women might not be so impressed with the Cocky & Funny approach. Nobody likes a Wuss, of course, but I'm wondering about the women who aren't so easily manipulated. How about some failure stories? When doesn't this stuff work so well, and are there things to watch for to keep from going too far with it?

- L. Man

david d. responds
First of all, Cocky & Funny isn't a super-secret, covert manipulation tactic. It's a way of flirting, teasing and interacting with women in a way that they enjoy.

Secondly, I've found that the only women who don't respond well to it are women who are uptight, women who aren't at all interested or overly shy women who are intimidated (in which case you can usually just tone it down and have fun with them, too). That's my personal experience.

Smart, nerdy girls like the ones you're attracted to (I'm glad you have that market cornered, by the way) should love to spar with you and will probably love your Cocky & Funny attitude. Keep it intellectual.

There will always be situations in life when things don't work for you. Tiger Woods screws up a lot of shots, and he's the best in the world at golf. Michael Jordan misses a lot of shots, and he's the best in the world at b-ball. We don't live in an ideal testing lab, we live in reality.

Don't worry about what won't work, and find what will.

The thing to watch for to keep from going too far with Cocky & Funny is a woman getting visibly angry or asking you to leave. If that happens, walk away.

David DeAngelo

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)

David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.


source: askmen.com